thoughts and dreams that shape our lives
by nihal1983
Summary: events after i dream only of u
1. Chapter 1

"the last few days been a mess, Its true I have forgotten somethings that have happened during that time Dad and Conan say its not important, but why do I feel that I have seen a side of Shinichi that I haven't seen before and why do I feel an emptiness in my heart and mind as if a part of my heart has been pulled out and that important memories have been lost.This feeling is similar the one I had when I forgot about part of the trip in New York with Shinichi",thought a puzzled Ran trying to remember those repressed memories that were locked inside of her. It was as if the pain she had trying to remember these memories were an indication , a sign by her body saying that she was strong not strong enough to face the truth.Tired by the effort Ran fell asleep.

"some secrets are better kept than revealed" an ancient saying warns us,indicating that some secrets could destroy maybe not physically but mentally.It is tough keeping secrets especially from your loved ones and even more so when you know that it could change lives and the way you perceive things.  
" Have you ever thought what it would be to lives two lives at the same time .It's hard enough to overcome the problems one faces and facing two of these without rest shows you how strong his mental fortitude is ,so cut him some slack,Ai-chan",said Prof.Agasa with his nose buried deep in a new invention he was cooking for Shinichi.

"True Hakase, but he should'nt have revealed himself to Ran so fast,what if the BO had caught wind of it ,does he know what he is putting in harm's way. I can't understand his urgency ,the BO is not something to be lightly." but that was not she was thinking she had hoped somewhere in her heart that she would have Conan/Shinichi to her self,but with what had taken place over the last few days she thought that the tiny flame of her hope had been extinguished but that hope still remained.True the concept of the BO no longer remaining was truly mouthwatering which meant that she could live freely without having to look over her shoulder ever so often and also that she could experience the wonders of the adult world without having to fear for tomorrow.She had fantasized about taking a vacation a cruise sounded alluring ,the possibility of an unknown adventure on the vast seas ,the fresh salty air gently caressing her face and blowing her hair ,the scenic beauty of the setting sun in the horizon ,the orange rays of light grazing the surface of the sea as if God was painting his daily portrait. All this was good but these are things that are nor meant to be seen or experienced alone but in the company of the one you love and the only person she could think of was Shinichi ,he was the only one who shared in some mysterious way the burden fate had placed on them .She thought that this secret that they shared would bring them closer, but the bond between Ran and Shinichi was something she had not taken into her calculation. But to her it seemed like more like a one sided affair .Shinichi being serious while Ran more like a doting sister, it was good news to her that they had'nt progressed beyond the bonds of childhood friends.  
"Oi! Ai-chan what are spacing out like that for" said Agasa who was still buried in the pile of parts he was assembling.

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of the door being open and shut and a drenched Conan taking of his raincoat entered the room ."Hakase, the skateboard still runs out of power too fast ",he said hanging his coat on the rack " I think one of the solar panels might have been damaged " he said as he caught the sight of Haibara standing in the room ."Haibara, what are you standing there like a doll for and why are you blushing "he said laughing.  
caught off guard she said"Im not blushing you oaf"she felt a little embarrassed about what she was thinking earlier."So what are you here for Mr.Cocky high school detective" she said with a smirk.

"Well miss create a toxic drug shrink me down and then make an antidote that screws ur system up" said Shinichi unable to contain his laughter, tears in his eyes."Sorry Dr.Kookubarra. i meant haibara-nating no haibara, sorry could'nt resist the pun, why r u so upset seeing me were you two guys talking things about me ,well i came to ask Hakase if he finished my invention." he said walking over to the table where Hakase was.  
"I'm done shinichi" he said "my latest master-piece,i could make a fortune if i sold this he said all types of manufacturing companies would die to get their hands on this" he said bursting into his so very often im a genius i told you laugh which made Shinichi wanna puke ."Well Hakase what kind of idiotic thing did you make for him this time ,the last one was a pair of suction cup shoes nearly killed him when he tried to climb up the side of the building ,the long distance mini telescope you made him was reflecting his own image to him which made him think that somebody was dressed like him,and not to mention the exploding gum that would explode after chewing twice that got stuck to your mouth and nearly blew your teeth off.Well im going to my room, I dont wanna die as a witness to your madness and his craziness" she said as she hurried downstairs afraid Shinichi would suspect something was wrong with her.  
"Well Shinichi its completed ,the super glue ,I dont know what you wanted it for but its based on the same principle as the automotive glues used to glue together engine parts, but ive taken it a little further by adding a chemical resin compound to increase its hardness also i created a chemical to dissolve it in case of accidental use. I've added the glue into small glass balls to prevent it from exposure to air all you need to do is throw one of these the ball breaks and the glue hardens with contact to air,very simple is'nt it, Oh I also made a compartment in your belt to accommodate those."he said.  
"Well thanks Hakase I need to go Ran's alone at home as oji-san has gone with the inspector on some case and you know she has'nt been herself lately and she keeps following me around and calls me Shinichi .If I tell her I'm Conan she smiles and says she knows and she just likes to think I'm him as I look similar to him when he was a kid.Well I dont know if its stress but ..."he said sighing "Good night Hakase and thanks again, Ill see you tomorrow"he said as he left closing the door.the few instants for which the door was open allowed a cold draft of air from the outside to enter the house chilling Hakase's bone making him wonder if things were going to get any colder. 


	2. Chapter 2

" I must be going crazy" thought Ran." I keep calling Conan,Shinichi I keep expecting to find him everywhere as he would suddenly pop up from behind the door and say surprise like he used to do when we were kids , I feel like I'm not me anymore its like i'm becoming somebody else, dad wont tell me anything about what happened and Conan that little twerp keeps his mouth shut all acting high and mighty and thee pills keep me drowsy I can't think straight "she said yawning as her eyes closing as she drifted of into deep sleep.  
"Sleep tight Ran " shinichi said as he tucked her into bed covering her with her warm blanket .He caressed her head before placing the back of his palm on her forehead checking for fever,"Temperature seems normal " he thought as he walked out of the room closing the door behind him.  
"Who closed the door ","Is it you Shinichi " said Ran as she woke up startled."Where am I?Why is the room all white what happened to my room where is everyone?Dad?Conan,Mom...?Am I dreaming "she said scared that she might be in asylum of some kind .I'm not mad It's because of the medicine I must be dreaming that's why. Dont leave me alone again Mom,DAd Shinichi anybody answer me please" she pleaded the words barely leaving her mouth as warm tears fell onto an otherwise cold floor as she walked towards what seemed a door.  
The door seemed locked tight as if someone wanted to stop her from entering the room."Its locked ,there must be a key somewhere", she thought running to every corner of the room .The room seemed to distort and change shape to a room she vaguely remembered, "How can this be" she thought "what manner of illusion is this? I must have taken too many tablets" but why do I have a feeling I've been to a room like this before" she felt a her gaze fell onto an open door.  
She ran towards it fearful that it might close again. The door closed it self shut the moment she entered it, the loud noise causing her to stop and look behind.She looked at the room it was the living room of her house but arranged like it was a few years ago during the time when she went to NewYork with Shinichi.But why was she seeing the old room .The T.V seemed to be on , the picture was fuzzy with clear parts, "it is playing all the memories she had experienced over the past few years the fuzzy bits were probably parts of which she had no recollection of"she thought after a few minutes the screen stopped with a rainbow band stretched across the screen with the message "will resume playback shortly" .  
the screen flickered back into life this time she did not recognize the place or the event , She saw a girl about the same size as Ai-chan and who looked to be the same age as her sitting in the corner of a large room the camera seemed to move in the direction of her head movement . The room had a table with several equipment on it ,beakers with different colored liquids. the bunsen burner seemed to be on a couple was working hurriedly on something constantly discussing amongst themselves. they would occasionally glance in the direction of the child and try to smile saying" don't worry baby Mom and Dad will protect you".But the smile on their face showed the strain of trying to deceive a child into thinking the situation was better than it seemed. A harsh voice interrupted them saying "hurry up you two time is of the essence finish the toxin before you have to die.You two have wasted enough time and money ,do you want us to waste your child along with you"he barked.

The screen flickered again sometimes bringing to it darkness like a screen as if someone wanted to be in secrecy away from prying eyes.The child looked cold and alone ,her teeth chattering in the cold environment of the lab, the parents glanced again at the child, tears in their eyes ,trying to avoid her eyes ,since they could no ,longer bear the innocent believing eyes of their child."#&,my baby are you alright" the mother cried,the name of the child did not reach Ran's ears as she strained to hear it again.After a few minutes the parents were dragged out of the room leaving the child alone . The child did not cry nor scream it was as if she had cried her lifetime's worth of tears and her tear ducts were empty . Her face was emotionless like a plastic doll .  
Ran's chest tightened, with emotions swirling and gnawing at her ,she wanted to tear the screen apart and go to the child but she knew she was helpless .tears welled up in her eyes and she cried like she had'nt done for a long time, she had problems but that seemed tiny and unimportant to hers.She wondered what the child's thoughts were and what she would dream about. She pondered if there was any way to help her.As she was lost in thought the burnt smell penetrated her nostrils dragging her out of her thought.  
The smell got stronger, but she did not know where the fire was, smoke filled the room quickly making it hard for her to breathe,she held her breath trying to find her way out, but the smoke stung her eyes tears filling her eyes blurring her vision ,her brain told her that she should sleep but her body told her she shouldnt , but now i cant do anything ,i never can do anything im always being protected she said by dad Conan and Shinichi .as her consciousness faded,she held her throat with her right hand and her chest with her left. She stumbled and fell face forward her lips hitting the floor,"im dead she thought sorry guys " she thought as she tasted blood and blacked out.  
"Huh?what the ...?it was all a dream she touched her lip, there was a cut on her lip ,It was not possible but yet here she was in her bed and there was a cut on her lip. The smell of smoke still lingered causing her to panic.She jumped out of her bed and ran towards the door.A gust of smoke hit her filling her room as she opened her door,the entire living room was engulfed in flames,there was no sign of her father or Conan. She ran toward the flames leaping over them as her eyes scanned the room for signs of the two, she had a bad feeling in her gut ,what is with fires and her she thought i dream of fires and now there is a fire in my house she thought .She picked up the phone and tried to call Sonoko for help ."Hello Sonoko hel..."before she completed the sentence a gruff voice rudely cut her off saying that it was wrong number slamming the phone,she was sure she had dialed the right number so she redialled her number only to be cut off again.  
"Whats going on here, fire in my house Sonoko's not picking up"its as if people close to her were just disappearing" . The fire grew stronger thanks to a strong gust of wind that blew in from an opened window.Has'nt anyone noticed the fire she thought,"Help,Help" she shouted hoping someone would hear her screams,She ventured into her father's room ,there was something on the floor a dark colored liquid bubbling because of the searing heat and that stuck to her leg burning her foot ,"dad im gonna kick your butt for dirtying the floor again not that it would matter anymore" she thought as she tried to soothe her foot she lost her balance and tripped over something, oh no dad dropped the clothes hanger again ,but the thing she tripped on seemed larger and softer she felt her way up the smoke blinding her, her hand stopped she felt flesh,her heart crumbled"No its not what I think it is" her heart in her mouth she moved her hand each stroke confirmed her worst feeling ,her father lay on the floor in a pool of blood ,her brain was not able to process what she had seen there ,her movements ceased as her limbs went taut and numb,what would she tell mom ,where was Conan and Shinichi, she wanted to cry out to him but her lips seemed glued together.she looked around hoping Conan wouldnt be here too that he would be playing with his friends,but her hopes were dashed when she saw the limp body of Conan under the table as if her father had tried to push him out of harms way,"oh God why did this happen?I only wanted to be happy and see my loved ones happy. is this my reward for being a little selfish ?she grimaced.All the happy moments of her life passed before her eyes, the times when her parents were together,the time when she won the karate tournament,the times with Shinichi,and with Conan.There was so much she wanted to do,she wanted to confess to Shinichi ,wanted to reunite her parents,wanted to help Sonoko in her relationship,graduate and become a lawyer.Sorry Shinichi I never got a chance to tell you my feelings because of my cowardice,I was scared to lose you."a solitary tear dripped slowly from her eye falling on to the hot floor sizzling on contact.  
The fire crackled as parts of the roof buckled the beams weakened by the flames gnawing at it like termites.the falling debris reminded her once again of her dreams and desire falling apart, she felt no pain her body had lost sensation ,the smoke and flames had overwhelmed her brain,In her fading moments she remembered her dream and how she had met a similar fate .The sound of two voices dragged her from her trance ,"This is what happens when you go up against the Black Organization" she heard one of them tell the other in a voice that was cold like that of a professional killer for whom dealing death had become a daily activity ,"high school , all contacts dead "were the only other words she heard as the crackling flames drowned the remaining conversation.She could make out the outlines of two people standing at the door one short and stout the other taller with long hair.the ceiling collapsed completely as the beam fell on her head knocking her out. 


	3. Chapter 3

The last few days had been pretty hard Haibara thought running into the BO indirectly then having to deal with her blossoming feelings towards Shinichi,it was not something she was adept at dealing with.For so long she had kept her feeling bottled up that she had almost lost that sensation that made humans well humans.Her life in the BO had left no room for feelings or people ,she had to be ruthless and tough as most people only understood the language of fear.She was monitored like a golden goose under surveillance 24/7, her only private moments were her sleep and restroom.  
09/06:She had always felt that feeling were an excessive baggage that needed to be discarded in the kill or be killed world that she lived in.But now her time with Conan and the gang as a kid she felt was giving her a chance to relive her childhood once again.She had found a home and someone to care for her ,someone other than her deceased sister someone who accepted her for what she was looking past all her wrongdoings.She spent her time now in search of an antidote to help rather than kill and her everyday made her feel proud of the good she was doing.  
The light outside was fading as the sun was returning to its resting place,the last rays of light were fading slowly like a piece of string dragged down in the water by the stone its tied to.As darkness began to spread the street lights were flickering to life one by one providing the dark streets with light,The noise and din seemed to die down,the silence broken by an occasional dog barking at some passerby warning them of the danger of trespassing,and the sound of passing automobile carrying the person back home to the comfort of their home.Haibara slowly looked up from the computer to look at the clock.The clock showed 7.30pm as the seconds hand went about its work one tick at a time."I should have bath and have dinner or maybe I should have bath first"she thought as she slowly dragged herself upstairs her limbs still stiff from sitting still for hours,her floaters made absolutely no noise as she opened the door to the living room. The lights were on switched on by an automatic photosensitive switch invented by the Hakase."Hakase...",she said stopping mid sentence realizing that the Hakase had gone to meet his old colleagues and would return later on .Her stomach growled,"Dinner it is then she "said to her self softly as if afraid someone would overhear her .  
After dinner she willed herself to the shower,she turned on the shower and stepped in tentatively hoping that Hakase had fixed the hot water tap,"Yes" she said as a spray of water wet her body, she let the water wash her body"How i wish it would wash away my troubles she thought",After a fulfilling bath she went to the study where she picked up copy of a novel she had left unfinished 09/12 and started reading ti while seating herself in the rocking arm chair .The rocking motion of the chair coupled with the fact that she had hardly got any sleep the past fews days caused her to fall asleep in her chair with the book open in her lap and her reading glasses still on.Deep sleep fell upon her catching her unaware of the fact that Hakase had entered the room on to find that she was fast asleep oblivious to the other facts of the world.Hakase carried Ai to her room and placed her on her bed and covered her with a blanket .  
-- to be contd 


End file.
